4.6.11

The Law of Distraction

Not waiting for my soul mate, 1993
You know that thing, where you get pregnant just after adopting, or you meet your soul mate just days after swearing off love?

What is that thing?

What is it about the energy of wanting-wanting-wanting that seems to push away what we want, and the energy of i-give-up that brings it to our door?

It's not exactly the Law of Attraction, is it?

I spent my twenties pursuing Love. I believed in Big Love, in Soul Mates. (Still do.) I had a series of intense, passionate relationships, each one loaded with big expectations. At 28, I emerged from the last of this series sad and bruised, but with an exquisite five month old daughter.

After cocooning in my best friend's guest house for a couple of months, I emerged into the world new and wary, with an inner agreement to Not Even Date until my daughter was 18.

I started apartment hunting. One day I found a really cute studio near the beach, and was standing outside the building contemplating my options.

There was this moment then, when everything went quiet. And I heard this little rolling clic-clic-clic coming up behind me, and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck.

I turned around, it was just a guy walking his bike. Very ordinary. He said "Hi," and so did I, and I didn't see him again for a couple of months.

So, my daughter is 18 now. I've been married to the guy with the bike - my soul mate and best friend - for 16 years.

We think the big stuff will come to us through the force of our will, the intensity of our yearning. We think it will dramatically appear in our lives POOF! at the perfect time for us, in a puff of pink smoke. "Wow, thanks Universe!!" we'll say.

But here's how it actually works:

Let Go. Give Up. Look The Other Way. Get On With The Stuff That You Do.

But leave some quiet space, and stay curious, so when that quiet, ordinary little clic-clic-clic comes up behind you, you'll know what it is.

What did you let go of to get? Share here, if you like.










There's a post script to this story, and it's kind of funny, or maybe a warning about self-agreements. I only just realized it as I wrote this. My husband and I never really did date. Try courting with an eight month old in your life and you'll see what I mean. We just hung out, and then got married. It wasn't until my daughter turned 18 and moved out last year that we actually started going on Dates, and boy, has it been fun!! So I guess I did keep my agreement with myself, not to date until she turned 18...

9 comments:

Luna Raven said...

What a charming love story! All the more so because the love was for other people and for the self. This is a good reminder than sometimes giving up on a thing is the best way into it. Thank you for sharing!

Honeysmoke said...

what a wonderful story.

bookwrm said...

Thank you so much for this post. A few months ago, I emerged from a relationship in which I had been drowning for 2 years. I lost all focus, passion, and self-love during this time. It was a toxic, mutually dependent relationship, and after it ended I felt lost and confused. Since then I have struggled with rediscovering myself, falling into a self-destructive pattern in attempts to find anything that could make me feel alive, happy. Recently, I realized I need to just let go. Let go of the past, just let go. Yes, the past 2 years were a challenge, but I need to take them as a lesson...a lesson to never let that happen again. I am refocusing internally, focus on what I want, what I need, what I dream instead of searching blindly for these things in all the wrong places. I will make sure to remember though to leave room (quiet space, as you say) in case something magnificent does creep up behind me.

Thank you again!!

ensouling said...

The title of this post is wonderful. And I've always considered the letting go part the single most important piece of manifesting.

This may be why I'm still single. Although I have, recently, finally, let it go.

Bex Barrow said...

I love this post, it is exactly how it happened to me. Emerging from a horrendous relationship, swearing that was IT!!! And then I met this gorgeous man at a party. We ignored each other most of the night because we both thought the other was too gorgeous to stoop to our level, then got an email from the hostess (in whom we had confided our mutual attraction) on the Monday morning, saying basically 'you both fancy each other, what are you going to do about it?'. 108 emails in the first week, and a year later we were married! Sixteen years later, we still are. Funny how things work out...

Thank you for your lovely blog, I look forward to it so much.
Bex ***

shinyyoga said...

Love this :) It's so true! x

creativehealinggoddess said...

~this is so inspiring to me! after being newly single (the relationship wasn't that great) I was talking with a friend whose wedding I will bless this week about Soul Mate, and it really made me exhale I am not going to bend push and give my self a hard time I am just going to be in that 'space' that both you and my higher self has been telling me about, and still I rise~

Bronwyn said...

Well, Wow, beautiful ones, I'm glad I struck a chord for you!

@Luna yes that self-love piece is so important - it doesn't have to come before, but MUST come WITH the love for others...

@honeysmoke, thanks, and, and what a pretty name you have!

@bookwrm, you are so brave - keep being gentle with your precious self...

@ensouling, ha! I know! the magic moment, even in ritual or prayer, is when you just give it UP, instead of trying to hold/possess the energy...

@bex, love your story too - and love that the e-mails numbered the sacred number 108...

@shinyoga, thank you xo!

@goddess, yay for exhaling, and for finding the same important message in different places - you have to be listening for that to happen...xo

christinegoyer said...

Beautiful, Bronwyn and beautiful Bronwyn. Simple yet profound attitudes and logic that, when we allow it, always brings us to what is perfect for us in each moment.

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